What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 26.06.2025 00:08
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Why aren't there any Indian girls married to Chinese guys but Chinese girls married to Indian guys?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Who then, do I blame.?
But it wasn’t much.
But, we were locked up after school.
So whats the point in blame.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
All the time i was locked up.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Resilience spacecraft’s status after moon-landing attempt is unknown - CNN
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Why did the UK Supreme Court rule that transgender women are not women?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Texas public health departments brace for another $119 million in federal cuts - The Texas Tribune
She wouldn,t have been !
She was in good health!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Two Alternatives For A Potential $5,000 Monthly Income - Seeking Alpha
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Oregon State leaves no doubt, outslug Florida State to reach College World Series - OregonLive.com
But ive been too sick for many years..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
NASA robot for drilling on icy moons tested on Alaskan glacier - Ars Technica
I couldn’t, believe it.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
And i lived it daily.
The World Ends with You Director Tatsuya Kando Leaves Square Enix - Anime News Network
I waited trembling.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Sophie Cunningham’s $1M Social Jump Dwarfs WNBA Fines - Sportico.com
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She married twice! .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I said to her
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My life is so biszare .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
So, i spoilt her more .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I had hoped to write a book about this .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Especially a lifetime of it.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I was seconnd youngest,
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Why did i forgive my father ?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He knew the spot.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I could never make a relationship work though!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Comes on , in middle age.
I don,t even have a pension.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She found it foreign!.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I never cut or harmed myself..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
This is soul school!.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
What did i know ?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He resisted the act ,that day.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Put me off passion for life!!
We all went to grammer schools
Would this be the day?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I was very sick at this time too.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I have no regrets .
Im still living with it.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I was 9 years of age.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I think the readers, may guess!
She loved him until the end.
We were not on the streets..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I will be 64.
My family never makes their pension either.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
One cannot live in the past .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Ive learnt so much.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
It was going to be , some day.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
When she asked me how she looked .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I was scared of men, in general
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I write beautiful poetry .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.